My induction was scheduled for 8 a.m. on a Monday morning, three days after my due date. I remember waking up that morning feeling sooo nervous. It sort of felt like the morning of a big race...wasn't hungry, knots in my stomach, heart racing. Neither of us knew what to expect.
It's a weird thing going into the hospital for a scheduled induction. We signed in at the front desk and sat down in the waiting room for a while, just like any regular appointment. Eventually, they called our names and took us back to our room. It was all so surreal. In my head, I was about to have a baby. But in reality, Don and I were just shooting the breeze as we waited for...well, truth be told, we didn't really know what we were waiting for. We'd never done this before. It was 9 a.m. at this point, and little Auggie wouldn't be born for another fourteen hours.
When the nurse eventually came into the room, one of the first things she told me was that I wasn't allowed to eat anymore. From then on, it was only fruit icees and broth. The end. I was SO hungry, and I just kept ordering broth and icees all. day. long. I was so nervous in the morning that I couldn't get myself to eat very much at all. Luckily, a friend had warned me in advance about the no eating rule so I managed a half a bowl of cereal. But seriously, not eating was rough.
The nurses started me on a Pitocin IV right away (I haaaaate IV's!!!), but it hardly did anything. I basically sat in the hospital bed for eight hours watching TV. Don went to the gym and came back. Don went to lunch and came back. I think Don went home and maybe showered? And came back. When I got to the hospital, I was dilated to two centimeters. By the time eight hours of Pitocin had come and gone, I was only at a three. Ugh. I don't even remember feeling contractions the whole day. I saw them happening on the screen, but I didn't feel anything.
That's when my doctor decided to break my water. I was really afraid of having my water broken, and I expected it to hurt a lot. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt at all, but it did jump start my delivery!
My parents had arrived at the hospital around this time, and I sent them out with Don to get dinner for themselves. I assumed I would be sitting there for a while anyway, like I had been all day long. But the contractions suddenly became much closer together, and they almost immediately become more painful and more intense. About forty five minutes after they broke my water, I was in a lot of pain and decided it was time to get an epidural. I called the nurse and called Don...things were happening!
Besides actually pushing the baby out, the next hour was the most painful thing I've ever been through. Getting an epidural means you have to sit cross legged with your head leaning forward in between your knees, not moving at all for at least forty five minutes, while at the same time having really, really, really painful contractions. Being in a lot of pain is hard. But being in a lot of pain and not being allowed to move is harder! In the midst of all of this, the resident that was putting in the epidural couldn't get it in. They had to pull the needle back out and try again. I was so grateful that Don was there and spoke up...he basically told the attending to do the second try. At this point I was just gritting my teeth and sobbing, and I couldn't have made it through another failed attempt by the resident. Thankfully, the attending got the needle in without any issue. But the truth is that I couldn't have made it through that hour without Don. He was rock solid and a real comfort. He just held my hands tight, and every time I glanced at him in pain and fear, he told me with confident firmness that I was going to be all right. It was all going to be ok.
Within about 15 minutes, I started to feel the numbness! It was so so so wonderful and such a relief! I remember laying down to rest my head on the pillow and feeling a wave of calm and peace. It was absolutely magical.
I must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing I remember was waking up to a feeling that I had to go to the bathroom. Like, I reeeeally had to go to the bathroom asap. I mentioned it to both Don and the nurse. I think the nurse was the one who said something like, "yeah...I'm going to go get your doctor. I don't think you have to use the bathroom, I'm pretty sure your baby is coming!"
My doctor came in to check me, and I was dilated to a nine. She told me to just hang tight and try not to let the baby come out. She said she'd be back in ten minutes and left the room.
Whaaaa?! Keep my baby from coming out?! Sure thing, doc, because I've done this before and know exactly how to do that. Just a few minutes after she left, I started getting for reals worried that I couldn't keep the little guy in anymore. He felt like he was coming out, and I was doing everything I could to fight it. I asked Don to get the doctor back in the room fast.
The actual delivery was only fifteen or twenty minutes, but it felt so long to me! I just remember screaming and wailing over and over again, "I can't do this!!!". I knew I could do it, but only if I had some sort of time frame for how long it would take. So I kept asking everybody how long it would be until he was out. Ugh. It was so hard and painful, even with the epidural. I can't imagine how anyone (anyone!) gives birth naturally.
But I made it through, and little Auggie was born at 10:54 PM on Monday, October 29th, 2018. He was 8lbs 2oz, and 21 inches long.
Earlier in the day, the nurses had asked me if I wanted to hold the baby skin to skin once he was born. Of course I said yes, but I didn't realize what that meant, exactly. As soon as Auggie was born, the doctor immediately plopped him right on my chest...a bloody, crying, slimy little mess of a creature. I was out of control as it was, so I flipped out when I realized what had just happened. It was so unexpected to me for some reason. I basically scream-cried like I'd seen a cockroach or something, "Get him off! Get him off! Just get him off of me!!" Oh man. I laugh just thinking about it. Poor little guy. I guess I didn't realize they wouldn't clean him up first? I keep telling myself that I was exhausted and disoriented, so it's totes ok that I rejected my own baby.
I was truly so overwhelmed at this point that I just cried and cried. All I could do was say to Don through my tears, "We did it! We did it. We. did. it.". I calmed down pretty quickly, and they brought Auggie over to me. I just held him for a moment on my chest. It was perfect.
Soon after the birth though, my body started losing stability. I had torn in a lot of different places, and several of the tears were far in. The tears weren't particularly deep, but because of their locations the doctors had a very hard time getting stitches placed. I lost a lot of blood. They were stitching me for just about an hour, when I started to feel really sick. I threw up, and started seeing black spots in my vision.
The next couple of hours were kind of a hazy dream memory for me. They had to give me a bunch of fluids through a second IV, and they almost had to do a blood transfusion. I knew a lot of the problem was that I was exhausted and hadn't eaten all day. I kept asking them if I could just eat, but they wouldn't let me in case they needed to do some drastic surgery or something. I guess that's a rule? Anyway, at this point it was nearly 2 am, and I hadn't eaten for almost 24 hours. It was all so crazy, but I finally stabilized.
What a day! Little Auggie made it to the world, and we all made it through.
I don't feel like to going into all the detail about my recovery, but that was actually the worst part! I'd go through a hundred births before I would do the recovery again. Suffice it to say that the first month Auggie was here, I was miserable. I was in so much pain, I was depressed, I couldn't breast feed very well, I was tired, Auggie was losing weight, I was pumping every hour, I felt guilty, I couldn't run, I felt scared, I felt alone, I dreaded the sun going down, and I wanted to send him back. I had a very difficult time accepting that this was my new reality, forever. No going back.
It wasn't until about three months had passed that I felt normal again, and truly happy! Now, Auggie is four and a half months old, and he is the best little gift we've ever had. We love him so much, and he brings more joy and love to our little family than we ever could have imagined. He's still a lot of work, but now there is an equilibrium and a balance that wasn't there in the beginning. I can finally say he's right where he belongs!
We love you so much, sweet Auggie!
My parents had arrived at the hospital around this time, and I sent them out with Don to get dinner for themselves. I assumed I would be sitting there for a while anyway, like I had been all day long. But the contractions suddenly became much closer together, and they almost immediately become more painful and more intense. About forty five minutes after they broke my water, I was in a lot of pain and decided it was time to get an epidural. I called the nurse and called Don...things were happening!
Besides actually pushing the baby out, the next hour was the most painful thing I've ever been through. Getting an epidural means you have to sit cross legged with your head leaning forward in between your knees, not moving at all for at least forty five minutes, while at the same time having really, really, really painful contractions. Being in a lot of pain is hard. But being in a lot of pain and not being allowed to move is harder! In the midst of all of this, the resident that was putting in the epidural couldn't get it in. They had to pull the needle back out and try again. I was so grateful that Don was there and spoke up...he basically told the attending to do the second try. At this point I was just gritting my teeth and sobbing, and I couldn't have made it through another failed attempt by the resident. Thankfully, the attending got the needle in without any issue. But the truth is that I couldn't have made it through that hour without Don. He was rock solid and a real comfort. He just held my hands tight, and every time I glanced at him in pain and fear, he told me with confident firmness that I was going to be all right. It was all going to be ok.
Within about 15 minutes, I started to feel the numbness! It was so so so wonderful and such a relief! I remember laying down to rest my head on the pillow and feeling a wave of calm and peace. It was absolutely magical.
I must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing I remember was waking up to a feeling that I had to go to the bathroom. Like, I reeeeally had to go to the bathroom asap. I mentioned it to both Don and the nurse. I think the nurse was the one who said something like, "yeah...I'm going to go get your doctor. I don't think you have to use the bathroom, I'm pretty sure your baby is coming!"
My doctor came in to check me, and I was dilated to a nine. She told me to just hang tight and try not to let the baby come out. She said she'd be back in ten minutes and left the room.
Whaaaa?! Keep my baby from coming out?! Sure thing, doc, because I've done this before and know exactly how to do that. Just a few minutes after she left, I started getting for reals worried that I couldn't keep the little guy in anymore. He felt like he was coming out, and I was doing everything I could to fight it. I asked Don to get the doctor back in the room fast.
The actual delivery was only fifteen or twenty minutes, but it felt so long to me! I just remember screaming and wailing over and over again, "I can't do this!!!". I knew I could do it, but only if I had some sort of time frame for how long it would take. So I kept asking everybody how long it would be until he was out. Ugh. It was so hard and painful, even with the epidural. I can't imagine how anyone (anyone!) gives birth naturally.
But I made it through, and little Auggie was born at 10:54 PM on Monday, October 29th, 2018. He was 8lbs 2oz, and 21 inches long.
Earlier in the day, the nurses had asked me if I wanted to hold the baby skin to skin once he was born. Of course I said yes, but I didn't realize what that meant, exactly. As soon as Auggie was born, the doctor immediately plopped him right on my chest...a bloody, crying, slimy little mess of a creature. I was out of control as it was, so I flipped out when I realized what had just happened. It was so unexpected to me for some reason. I basically scream-cried like I'd seen a cockroach or something, "Get him off! Get him off! Just get him off of me!!" Oh man. I laugh just thinking about it. Poor little guy. I guess I didn't realize they wouldn't clean him up first? I keep telling myself that I was exhausted and disoriented, so it's totes ok that I rejected my own baby.
I was truly so overwhelmed at this point that I just cried and cried. All I could do was say to Don through my tears, "We did it! We did it. We. did. it.". I calmed down pretty quickly, and they brought Auggie over to me. I just held him for a moment on my chest. It was perfect.
Soon after the birth though, my body started losing stability. I had torn in a lot of different places, and several of the tears were far in. The tears weren't particularly deep, but because of their locations the doctors had a very hard time getting stitches placed. I lost a lot of blood. They were stitching me for just about an hour, when I started to feel really sick. I threw up, and started seeing black spots in my vision.
The next couple of hours were kind of a hazy dream memory for me. They had to give me a bunch of fluids through a second IV, and they almost had to do a blood transfusion. I knew a lot of the problem was that I was exhausted and hadn't eaten all day. I kept asking them if I could just eat, but they wouldn't let me in case they needed to do some drastic surgery or something. I guess that's a rule? Anyway, at this point it was nearly 2 am, and I hadn't eaten for almost 24 hours. It was all so crazy, but I finally stabilized.
What a day! Little Auggie made it to the world, and we all made it through.
I don't feel like to going into all the detail about my recovery, but that was actually the worst part! I'd go through a hundred births before I would do the recovery again. Suffice it to say that the first month Auggie was here, I was miserable. I was in so much pain, I was depressed, I couldn't breast feed very well, I was tired, Auggie was losing weight, I was pumping every hour, I felt guilty, I couldn't run, I felt scared, I felt alone, I dreaded the sun going down, and I wanted to send him back. I had a very difficult time accepting that this was my new reality, forever. No going back.
It wasn't until about three months had passed that I felt normal again, and truly happy! Now, Auggie is four and a half months old, and he is the best little gift we've ever had. We love him so much, and he brings more joy and love to our little family than we ever could have imagined. He's still a lot of work, but now there is an equilibrium and a balance that wasn't there in the beginning. I can finally say he's right where he belongs!
We love you so much, sweet Auggie!
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